Reflections from Papua New Guinea: Making ‘friends’ and the desire for ‘white men’

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Not long ago, I received a text message from a young woman, a minor acquaintance I’d only met a couple of times:. Hi Barb its something personal bt I think u sud help me out plis… if posible plis I really want 2 make frend wit one of whom u knw who is interested with PNG girls plis im intrested. This wasn’t the first time a young Papua New Guinean had asked me to help them find a white boyfriend or husband.

Another companion even snuck a look at my phone while I was sleeping, and started sending flirtatious text messages to one of my contacts, whom she knew to be white, male, and single.

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If you’re dating online, you’re probably already on it. Since its release in — and with its signature swipe-right-to-like, swipe-left-to-pass user interface — Tinder has become the go-to dating app and has shaped many that follow. Users post a few images of themselves and a brief write-up. Login can be based on a Facebook profile, telling potential matches if they know people in common. Read more: Digital dating: A guide to looking for love online. Based even more on Facebook connections than Tinder, the app only hooks you up with friends of friends.

It limits the number of potential matches presented each day. Think of it as the inspiration for Tinder with gay men as the target audience. The app uses geolocation to let you know if potential matches are nearby. Made by women, it’s supposed to be a more controlled environment where women can limit their visibility.

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Anyone who’s been doing the online dating thing for a while knows that there’s hookup culture and then there’s long-term relationship dating culture. Most online dating sites have a mix of both, and after living with online dating as an increasingly ubiquitous option for the past 20 years, the general public mostly sees dating sites as a super normal means to find casual dates or a hookup. But what if you’re looking for a serious relationship or even something long-term?

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